Friday, September 11, 2015

Was lost but Now Im Found

   I am slowly coming out of what has been a very dark time for me. Suffering with PTSD has been a struggle ever since I was diagnosed. I would go through these cycles of abuse and then recovery. I started to have more time in recovery and less in the abuse portion. The abuse would start in the fall, last into winter and I would slowly come out in the spring, flourishing in the summertime only to peak, rinse and repeat. Each year I would start a little later into the abuse and start a little sooner in recovery.

   Last year I fought the abuse till mid September and only had a month of issues. I managed to keep myself motivated and going actually maintaining my recovery through November into January when we moved to AZ. It was in January I started to have some ups and downs. I spoke about this before, getting sick and injured. I somehow managed to get myself in just enough shape to run the San Diego Half Mary which after I promptly fell apart.

   Now also between those times I switched jobs a lot, moving from 3 different jobs. My first job I couldn't continue doing after I got injured. The second job I just wasn't making the money I needed to support my family. The third job was the worst as I made the money I needed but the emotional stress and temptations nearly destroyed me. Luckily for me I saw the writing on the wall and the business closed leaving me unemployed.

   Almost immediately my stress levels and temptations dropped and I began to think more clearly. I also cut back my caffeine and sugar intake and noticed huge improvements in my mood. I even began to start toying with the idea of running again. A few weeks ago I officially retired from racing and thus I had quit running. So with the stress, abuse and lack of exercise my weight increased. So it was a good thing to slowly move back into running. I even set a goal for myself to go and do the Vegas Half and the Phoenix Half put on by Rock N Roll.

   I am trying my best to slowly work my way back into shape as my body really got wrecked as did my mind. It feels almost as if I am starting over from scratch but I know that isn't true. I know it won't be long until I am back up to speed and laying down the miles. I just hope to continue to practice what I learned during this most recent cycle.